the lowest low.

don't you feel alone?

a long time ago.

I wrote this a while ago.
Today, I lived this.

"(Indeed... Reality)

My heart is sound asleep.
_____________________
a thought provoking sunrise
a chilled cigarette
desire to poke holes in ones brain

tunnels

trains

this is a sad attempt at thinking
______________________

so much resposiblity,
but indeed, a fluttering heart
an excited mind
and a dreem!

indeed.

my name is wiped away,
running sounds so great.
Let's GO!
and yet, go further.
can I make this a reality? dreem

... forever is broken"

with nothing left.

does anybody even read this?

To you, we are all just vapor over your morning coffee.

You are so damn smart right? You have it all figured out.

You are pissed at humanity. The trouble is, you are everything that is to be pissed at. I wouldn't be the type of person to complain and rant, but unlike you I care about my friends. You are everything that I have to try to overcome. Your self worth is equal to what you can suck out of others. I am working and succeeding as you wallow and wilt so that in the future my taxes can scrape you off the ground. You look forward to a future filled with burnt earth and no hope. You are preparing your life for nothing. I don't know if this brings reasoning to who you are, I am making assumptions but they are relevant. You are selfish, you only care about yourself. You have no value in any single life but your own, but you do value foolish things like drugs and alcohol, but that still is for selfish reasons. I am finished sitting back and seeing you do this anymore. Your rambling mouth is slowly growing quiet and it is only because people are starting to see through you. Does that scare you? It should.

You should look back, you should look forward. Do you see it? There are people in your life that love you, for that is the true meaning of life. That is really what you should be searching for, LOVE. I'm not saying you need to find a woman, I am saying maybe you should value and love the ones around you. Maybe, you can stop being so pissed at everyone else all the time. Come down of your high chair, get real. Appreciate what you have been given. Appreciate that you are valued enough to recieve. Find some love deep down in your throut and tell someone that you appreciate what they are doing, have done, will do for your wilting, pitiful soul. Or maybe? Find your pulse, get up, breathe. LIVE! Who are you? Who do you think you are? Selfish, overconsuming everything from everybody. Breathe. Is there enough air in this room for you?

Can you get off your high chair?
Can you get up?
Can you move?
Does anybody else mean anything to you?
Can you move for anyone?

Maybe this might matter to you if it's a challenge. Maybe if you can win, you will care. Maybe if I can show you a bulleted list of "what's in it for me" you can move.

Will you move when you have sucked a person dry?

After taking all you can, you have given NOTHING back. You will find nothing left in that person that is worth your precious time. But, you are still up on your high chair.

What makes you think you can do this?

Do you find any reason? Who are you to sit there and decide what everybody does and will do. Even though we have done this for you already, and we have gotten you that. You are still unsatisfied, you are still wanting more. It's almost how you leave her feeling after a night of drunken harmony.Unsatisfied.


I'm not finished.

with fire in my eyes.

I am begining to change. I am no longer content.
I'm sick of everything being sensored out.
Media, Internet, Education.
The real world is not like this.
It's filled with sex, drugs, death, money....
I can't sit back anymore.
It can't happen.
I am not okay with where I am, where humanity is.

" I think you and I belong in a different time period, the 70's maybe."

I found my passion.

truth.beauty.peace.love

pondering the meaning of life.

It's a strange thing to do, wonder, "what if?"


Also, I have been thinking about DREAMS a lot. The things that I dream about are insane. The things everyone dreams about are insane. Think about the strangest dream you had. For me, when I'm dreaming I believe it, I am caught up in it, it is happening. That's insanity. So just about every night we all peacefully suffer with insanity. Also, this strikes many questions in my mind about reality. What is real, and what is just a figment of my mind. What is truely happening, what truely exists?

I am struggling.

help.

converge.

epic!

stuck.

It's not very easy to hurt a girl like me.
I forgot what it feels like.

Thank you for taking me back to this familiar place.
I plan on taking a few steps back.
Messing up is hard to cope with.
Dang.

careless...

I like who I am.

I like where I am.

I wonder what other rumors are to come.

I see your chattering mouths

but, I don't care



I like the live I have lived

and am living



I just

don't



care.

with a bag over my head.

By that I mean,
having urbandictionary blocked from my computer.

Yes, Yes, I Know

Second blog I have posted today.



Tonight I didn't go to my biology lab.

I started feeling very ill again and I couldn't stop coughing.

I took my medicine and fell asleep.

When I woke up the clock had moved much further than I had expected.



I was in a bad mood today. This doesn't happen very often.

So Mackenzie swung by and picked me up for some coffee.

Jared was with us.



We listened to music and drove down the road.

My mind started racing.

I don't know if I was loopy from my Codeine or if I haven't given myself time to wake up.

I feel so weird.

Sick.

I have been kinda sick lately.
It's okay though I have enjoyed my time away.
I'm kinda finished. Like worn out, you know?
Faking it only lasts so long. We are not all just wonderful all the time.
It feels nice to just be sick for a while.
Just a change, maybe?

Now I can breathe, sometimes NNU is like a bag over my head.
I can breathe for a while but sooner or later I will turn purple.
I just took a little breath outside. I don't plan on putting that bag back on my head.
I enjoy my space, I'm getting a job off campus and well...

Ahhhh...

Spring.